A Porquia Tale Of Nutella.

           Once upon a time their was a expansive colony of socialist hazel nuts named hazelville. All the hazel nuts lived lives filled with the trivial nut troubles. At the end of the day they all went to sleep in their nut houses and dreamt really nutty dreams. One night, one very reclusive and enigmatic hazel nut named hazel decided that their existence was for naught. All a hazel nut ever did was partake in many trivial dishes, and many trivial beverages.
        Distraught and lonely, hazel spent many a night awake in bed, shifting positions and making many  a trip to the kitchen for many a midnight snack. After many hours of this tedium, hazel came the conclusion that she should consult the tribunal of grand hazel nuts.
      The next day, hazel dressed up in her nicest kilt and rain poncho and made haste towards the parliament buildings of hazelville. When she arrived, she stepped on the grand pedestal and was subject to meticulous scrutinization of the three leaders of the mundane abode of many a hazel nut.
    "Hazel," boomed the grand hazelnut of hazelville's treasury and economy, "to what do I owe this displeasure."
    "Yes, enlighten us on the essence of this lethargic litigation." drawled the head hazel nut of foreign affairs and trade.
      "I wish to voice a suggestion to our very style of society. What are we but nuts in a world where a nut is nothing. The usurper, the peanut chieftain is not but a legoon, never was it a true nut. Living in their reclusive fortresses, the pistachios still wont hear our pleas. Day after day, you do nothing of these woes, from the land of the sugar plum fairy, a legion of incarnated nutcrackers are reeking havock on the country side, and you sit here, spending our tax money on Jacuzzis and Mercedes benz cars. We need to rise from the monotony of out lives. We must strive to be more that coffee at starbucks. Please hear me out."
        "We care not of you insufferable accusations of incompetence in our government, none of it I will pay heed to. Be gone."
         Before she could react, police nuts emerged from crevices in the walls and dragged her by the ear from the immense estate.


        An hour later, while crying on a park bench outside a yoga workout center, she met the hipster.

And that is why we have nutella.